Crystal Clear, Razor Sharp

Control - Poem 2

I can’t find it

Don’t remember looking, actually.

Am I looking now?

What’s the answer?

What’s the question?

How do I make this stop?

Give me back my map, I’m lost!

Hello?

Silence crashes upon me

The empty room is a noose at my neck

There’s no one here.

No arms close to fold me in

No warm eyes to build me up

Still no answer.

Why can’t I let it out?

All the pain and the worry inside me

It has to be in there somewhere, inside me –

And no one is here…

Keep running. Keep moving.

If I make it hurt, what else can hurt me?

Let it out

I can be my own keeper, just let the confusion go –

Let it out

Steel glints cold in harsh fluorescent lights…

Don’t worry, take control

Fingers on soft flesh. Will anyone be able to see?

Higher, just a little higher

I can control the waves, I can take control –

Take control!

Cold steel on soft flesh, Don’t hesitate –

Let it out

BURNING PAIN!

Burning pain…

I control the waves. I control the pain.

It drips warm and crimson on the ivory floor.

I sit quietly and cry in –

What?

Pain . . . and . . . pleasure.

I control everything.

It drips warm and crimson on the ivory floor.