Crystal Clear, Razor Sharp

Yes, no, maybe so, 99, 100

I don’t know if I like myself. It’s a simple question, if someone ever asks you. “Do you like yourself?” You’ve got a 50-50 chance. Yes or No.

And I can’t get the right answer, no matter which I choose.

I was thinking about this today. It was kind of a warm-up discussion in psychology today, but it has plagued me ever since because I HONESTLY DON’T KNOW. I don’t think I dislike myself, but I am not totally happy with who I am. Why is that?

Maybe because I don’t know who I am.

Maybe I can talk my way through this.

I am a psych major who can’t figure out what she wants to be - I don’t even know where I am going after this next semester. I have no religious affiliation, but I believe in God. I have a lot of people that I talk to, people I trust, but not one I would consider my closest and dearest friend. I don’t have a boyfriend. I like running, reading and Mexican food. I collect rubber ducks, and I have the habit of occasionally turning on soap operas during the day and watching for ten or fifteen minutes just to try and figure out who is cheating on whom. (I just said ‘whom,’ isn’t that great?)

Hmm, by that description I could be almost any girl. “I am every girl.”

You see the dilemma, don’t you?

I have decided that by the end of this semester, in 11 weeks, before finals begin, I will be able to answer that seemingly simple 50-50 question. I think I can do that if I can answer the following questions about myself:

1. What do I want to do with my degree?
2. What am I going to do next summer?
3. I know I believe in God, but does God believe in me?
4. Who is my closest friend? Do I even need one?
5. And . . . something else . . . because this shouldn’t be an even number . . .